East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
