I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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