Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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