her vagine was all disorganized.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize