WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize