Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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