She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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