i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
