So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
