You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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