Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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