I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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