Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
