I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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