Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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