Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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