Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
