So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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