So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
