Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
there is glitter all over my balls
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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