Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
