I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
