Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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