maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
