You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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