Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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