He is such a slut. More and more my type.
it hurts more in the daytime
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
