he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
