The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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