OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
