I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
smell my finger.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
