Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize