Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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