Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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