I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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