I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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