I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
