This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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