one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
