I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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