wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
