You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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