Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
