Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
