Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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