So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
