When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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