I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
