First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
