let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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