I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
