I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
