I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize