I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
