I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
