he wants to bone in the snuggie
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
