once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
