My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
