At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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