yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
