we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
