Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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