she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
